Counting my blessings

 

Yes, I’ve been emotionally disturbed lately. I’ve been thinking of what the haters think and do, which made me felt even more sad and tormented. Now, I would like to try to count my blessings. Something that they do not have or appreciate. Small things that should make me feel grateful and happy with God’s gifts.

1. I have my MOTHER.
2. I have a good stepDAD.
3. I have a loving BROTHER.
4. I have two houses in two states.
5. I have CATS to ease down my rage and loneliness.
6. I have a good AUNTY who cares about my wellbeing.
7. I have good friends who supports me with worthy advice (not flaring me up with more hatred)
8. I’ve finished my degree.
9. I have one or two stepsiblings who might be neutral about the issue I’m facing. Thus, no awkward treatment from them.
10. I’m physically able to do things that I want.
11. I have food to eat.
12. I have a brain to think wisely.
13. I have my own driving license which I earned using my OWN money. (no cable or wire involved ;p)
14. I have feelings to make me feel more human.
15. I have found SOMEONE to hold my hands sincerely when I thought I might be drowned in the sea full of sharks.

and the list continues in my heart…..

I know it’s hard to soften and console this little heart but I really hope this works, apart from praying to God.

Will i succeed?

 

My attempt of trying to revamp this sappy blog of mine is still unsuccessful.

I tried to include the favicon but to no avail, it failed despite various attempts.

I tried referring to Etong’s blog, blogspot help and etc but still disappointing.

Anyone out there help please?

No harm in postponing

 

Different people have different priority at a given time

 

“No harm in postponing” ---> that would be my new mantra.

 

Good luck to my friends who are pursuing their dreams…all the best okay!

Stop it!

 

Dear Xierra, you have to start doing these things ;

To be positive

To be grateful

To live in the NOW

To feed self with trust

To be sincere

To self-focus

To start realising that negativity is only going to eat me alive

*

*

*

TQ Vane…I’m inspired. You’ve helped keep my feet on the ground these days. GBU

Out of the Blue

I think that my blog is too fancy and I feel annoyed to see its appearance.

I admit that I have my dearest assignments to be taken care of urgently

Yet, this heart is restless if nothing is done for this poor blog…

So, here it goes…and now, I can resume to focus on my important and urgent works

GoodBye Old Template

To You

Dear Love,

Lots of things happened to us

And they sure do challenge the core of our souls

I have never said it was going to be easy

I have never said we won't be able to surmount it

But I do believe in God, Me, You and Us.

Old chapter of the contaminated period is now closed

More new & vibrant chapters await to be created

So don't ever hesitate because the road is now ours

I cried, You cried, We cried

Witnessed by the sun and the sea

Now, we laugh and humour of the past

In order to let go of things slowly

I hope not to hope

I hope not to expect

I hope not to ask

I hope not to be frail

So that, You can be You and I learn to be Me

I always love you

I always hate you

I always adore you

I always trust you

Thus, it means so much when your hands search for mine

For what it takes,

You should know how I feel

As this soul of mine has always belonged to YOU in the past, present and future.

Yours Truly,

nADIa @ ee's N3

I wish the pain would go away

I wish they'd find a cure today

I asked the doctor what it means

He said "Things ain't as bad as what they seem."

My heart is working overtime to mend what's broke inside

And it's hard for me to see the light

Cause I'm stuck

At least that's what it feels like

-Rihanna: Slower to Heal

If only I have the strength

"Cry Me A River"

You were my sun
You were my earth
But you didn't know all the ways I loved you, no
So you took a chance
And made other plans
But I bet you didn't think that they would come crashing down, no

You don't have to say, what you did,
I already know, I found out from him
Now there's just no chance, for you and me, there'll never be
And don't it make you sad about it

You told me you loved me
Why did you leave me, all alone
Now you tell me you need me
When you call me, on the phone
Girl I refuse, you must have me confused
With some other guy
Your bridges were burned, and now it's your turn
To cry, cry me a river
Cry me a river-er
Cry me a river
Cry me a river-er, yea yea

I know that they say
That somethings are better left unsaid
It wasn't like you only talked to him and you know it
(Don't act like you don't know it)
All of these things people told me
Keep messing with my head
(Messing with my head)
You should've picked honesty
Then you may not have blown it
(Yea..)

You don't have to say, what you did,
(Don't have to say, what you did)
I already know, I found out from him
(I already know, uh)
Now there's just no chance, for you and me, there'll never be
(No chance, you and me)
And don't it make you sad about it

You told me you loved me
Why did you leave me, all alone
(All alone)
Now you tell me you need me
When you call me, on the phone
(When you call me on the phone)
Girl I refuse, you must have me confused
With some other guy
(I'm not like them baby)
Your bridges were burned, and now it's your turn
(It's your turn)
To cry, cry me a river
(Go on and just)
Cry me a river-er
(Go on and just)
Cry me a river
(Baby go on and just)
Cry me a river-er, yea yea

Oh
(Oh)
The damage is done
So I guess I be leaving
Oh
(Oh)
The damage is done
So I guess I be leaving
Oh
(Oh)
The damage is done
So I guess I be leaving
Oh
(Oh)
The damage is done
So I guess I be... leaving

You don't have to say, what you did,
(Don't have to say, what you did)
I already know, I found out from him
(I already know, uh)
Now there's just no chance, for you and me, there'll never be
(No chance, you and me)
And don't it make you sad about it

Cry me a river
(Go on and just)
Cry me a river-er
(Baby go on and just)
Cry me a river
(You can go on and just)
Cry me a river-er, yea yea

Cry me a river
(Baby go on and just)
Cry me a river-er
(Go on and just)
Cry me a river
(Cause I've already cried)
Cry me a river-er, yea yea
(Ain't gonna cry no more, yea-yea)

Cry me a river
Cry me a river, oh
Cry me a river, oh
Cry me a river, oh

Cry me a river, oh
(Cry me, cry me)
Cry me a river, oh
(Cry me, cry me)
Cry me a river, oh
(Cry me, cry me)
Cry me a river, oh
(Cry me, cry me)

Cry me a river, oh
(Cry me, cry me)
Cry me a river, oh
(Cry me, cry me)
Cry me a river
(Cry me, cry me)

I wish I have Doraemon, so that I can help mama & those who suffer the same issue.

Hoping for a Better and Promising FuTuRe

Life is not a fairytale,

Humans are not perfect creatures,

Devils are not good acquaintances,

But still, we have God's guidance to choose the right path.

Two persons are indeed of different individuals,

Yet, those Individuals are of two hearts that can have one soul,

Along the rough waves, there are pest-like creatures,

Yet, with God's willing, He will save them for good.

To Forgive is divine,

Yet let's forgive but never forget,

Some say History tends to repeat itself,

But, I believe in God's work in writing our future story.

Future comes along with hope,

Future comes along with changes,

Future comes along with the strengths and regrets of the past,

Yet, it needs the two hearts of a soul to work it out together.

So, let's walk this land together,

Towards a better and promising future with His blessing.

Of Life and Farewells

No longer I am bound

to the head cracking workloads,

No longer I am bound

to force myself burning the midnight oil,

No longer I am bound

to live like a robot,

No longer I am bound

not to be ME.

Instead of feeling at ease,

I feel empty,

I feel lost,

I feel disturbed,

For I am now bound to miss the old feelings of torments.

Now, I will retrieve back the freedom I lost,

I will get all the time in the world,

I can indulge myself without feeling guilty,

But, despite the retrieval of life, I will lose another important part of me,

my UiTM friends.

Yet, I hope that

the friendship that we build can last forever,

I hope that

the future to come is faced bravely and successfully,

I hope that

everyone is able to practice what has been taught by the lecturers,

and I hope that

our future students would not be 'nasty' to us, newly bloomed teachers.

May all the sweet and sour memories be engraved within me,

to enrich my life, my heart and my soul,

Let us get ready to start the new life with a new perspective,

and let God decide the path of our unpredictable life.

More and More....Less and Less...

If only Shadow can help me with my hwork ;(

I am tired...

All of these are consuming my soul...

Everyday I love you less and less...

But the more I get from those heartless people.

Assignments...

It is not that I don't like you...

But having your love in a big quantity is never a preference

I'd rather have you bits by bits

For giving you the adequate attention is the only fair thing

I do not blame you, but more to those

who assign you to me like I couldn't get enough of you

I am sure things will be better,

If only we can change this fate. *sigh

Dreams Been Shattered and Realised...

Waiting for the train ;)

For months I have waited and planned for the list of journeys, yet again Dad changed his plans.

No chance of visiting my friends' cats, going to the dentist at PK, helping my other half to collect his leftover things at Fadly's house & etc...*sigh

I was clouded with anger due to the recurring frustrations which include some ups and downs issues in life. The tense I experienced, worsen the sickness of my tummy. So, I took the step of cleansing my hands and planned to compensate these hurts with a search and an aim. I am going to spend a bunch of my money in a day! *huhu I knew some of us done worst than this..my amount can never beat you guys but to me, it's a lot.

With the inspiration that I acquired from the internet, I googled the item in mudah.com & lelong.com. Hmmm...interesting. Something caught my attention and my dearest became the main target of harassment for his opinions and instinct. Yes, the anger was settled down a bit now. We planned for an outing the next day, just to ease me out of the emotional distress. I was asked to wait and search for the thing that caught my eye at retail stores for better deals. Prior to my sleep, I drank the Orang Kampung tea (Tq salwa) to lessen the gas in my tummy and tried to indulge with my favourite past time as soon as possible-->sleeping. After the toss and turn, self- reflect and determined attempt of convincing myself such matter happened with a reason, I managed to get a grip of myself and slept.

Voila~ I woke up before Subuh by the wake up call from my tummy and it continued throughout the day...so much of decreasing the gas, now have to endure another type of sickness..*cis! By the way, in the afternoon, to Sunway we went and takoyaki was the first thing that we attacked. After "inspecting" the three lower floors for good sales, we had our lunch at Gasoline.

too dark & romantic la the place ;p

Then, off we went again checking all the stores and finally, we started entering SenQ and Harvey Norman and surveying. After some "heart-to-heart" talk with the promoter at HN, our journey has been lighted to a clearer path.

Determined faces *copying Shadow's stuck-out tongue

My, my...what a journey. Suddenly, we were at MidValley. *Cewah...suddenly knun ;p

Walking amongst the crowd with a hope and a dream.

Alas, we were at the place of booth-fair. In less than an hour of weighing the pros and cons, of comparing models, of listening to the details, of choosing the colour and of withdrawing the cash, one of my dreams was fulfilled.

The secret was let out by the HN promoter and we got to buy the camera with all the extra things such as extra battery, a year of world-wide warranty, tripod, 8gb mmc and etc for half price. I was so grateful for such a lucky day. I know that without the promo, I will never get the extras even by paying the original price...*phewww~ just my luck.

Yes, thanks to my dearest other half who has been so patient during the outing and been tirelessly asking me to be patient and never to give up on hope. In fact, thanks to my distressed feelings, I have "accidentally" presented myself with this cammy ;p. A dream that I have been holding on inspired by Sis Dedz and Pangkor trip, has finally been realised.

Another Offspring on CNY

my beb, Dolly Toché during last hols

12th Feb, I flew back home to KK.

The intention is to send back few of my stuffs & to cure my lovesick towards my mum & cats.

I was so happy to be home especially seeing the furry felines grew fatter & more adorable...

My excitement caused me to pour them with all the gifts I bought for them right there and then...

They like the new comb so much...and I can see they also love the Iam's and RC new flavours kibbles..hehe *glad my instinct works

At home, other than enjoying my time with mum with all the sight seeing trips, I indulge myself with my furry pillows..hehe Yet, this hols is another meaningful moment to me because Toché gave birth to three cute babies on CNY. I strongly believe it's Junior's offspring because I was there during the scene..haha and I have guarded Toché from loafing outside of the house with other unfamiliar felines.

Well, seeing Junior, he has the nice stripes and thick fur...but short. So, I really really hope the kittens turn out to be like Ciko (Toché's previous baby), having thick and long fur with short feet. *the stripes are looking great already...hehe But we can never expect any certain outcome in the future, it might turn out to be the other way around. If that should happen, I'll still love them as much. Just the way I love Dodo, Sumi, Jelo and etc. ;)

To reflect back, now I have more new tigers in the house (hope it survives till the end) just as accordance to the Chinese calendar, Year of Tiger. Having them on CNY also makes me feel so prosperous. Yup, this time I am able to be by my beb's side on her labour day, a make up for her first time that I missed. So, my return to KK has a silver lining, despite the fact that I left someone alone for a short while *don't cry baby, you know I'll always be by your side ;) I have hopes which I'll put forward together with my prayers and efforts but in the end, it is Him who will decide what will happen eventually. Again, I'll go with the flow and see what shall awaits me ;) *meows, please be good..and fat and furry and manje!

new kittens of CNY

Hands Down

It hurts to be told off

When others can do it without getting buzzed

What is the difference of me & them?

Not that I wish for your worst,

Not that I intend to disturb,

I am being me, happy for thee.

Alas, I am to be indifferent & invincible

for the benefit of all.

The Craving of My Soul, A Touch of the Paw

Time to step on everything!

oh i miss u...oh i miss u...

your captivating eyes kept wandering on my mind

your playfulness entertains my disturbed soul

your tongue that sticks out a lot reminds me of your fragility & naivety

your big paws that massages me, lessen the strain of my muscles

your never-get-full tummy always surprises me

your close resemblance to your mum often confuses me

your purrs makes me want to hug you more

I just miss your company as well as the others...

And I miss you indeed...

My baby Shadow,My baby love,

The one after my man,

The part of my heart & soul.

my furry pillow that purrs a lot

p/s: Right after I finished writing, mum called me & asked about the flight ticket, as if she sensed my sadness she started pouring me with all the stories of my cats at home. Indeed, it lessens my burden a lot. I am officially homesick. ;p

Deciphering Xierra's Temperaments

It was in the two previous class of TSL650 Introduction to Shakespeare that I was enlightened by this topic. A topic that relates to personality discovery, astrology and etc...( you know, the ones that I LIKE ;) ) So, due to my over eagerness to know which temperaments I belong to, I googled and have a look into the history in Wikipedia. Yup, just like I imagine. It is kind of similar to the earth, water, fire & etc elements.

Thus, a friendly user website accepted my visit that very night, http://oneishy.com/personality/. And this is my result :

Your personality is Phlegmatic Melancholy.

Melancholy Strength:6 Weakness:5

28%

Phlegmatic Strength:9 Weakness:12

53%

Sanguine Strength:3 Weakness:1

10%

Choleric Strength:2 Weakness:2

10%

Each of the four types of humours corresponded to a different personality type.

[edit]Sanguine

If you are a sanguine, then you are most likely the life of the party. You are funny and relish the limelight. You are affectionate, enjoy social activities, and make friends easily. You are imaginative and creative, and are often the one who enthusiastically promotes new ideas on the job. People call you vivacious, generous, and light-hearted. You wear your emotions on your sleeve, but you are always quick to “forgive and forget.” You probably struggle with follow-through, are chronically late, and tend to be forgetful. As quickly as you discover a new hobby or pursuit, you can also lose interest--when it ceases to be engaging or fun.

[edit]Choleric

A person who is choleric is a doer. They have a lot of ambition, energy, and passion, and try to instill it in others. They can dominate people of other temperaments, especially phlegmatic types. Many great charismatic military and political figures were cholerics.

[edit]Melancholic

A person who is a thoughtful ponderer has a melancholic disposition. Often very kind and considerate, melancholics can be highly creative – as in poetry and art - but also can become overly pre-occupied with the tragedy and cruelty in the world, thus becoming depressed. A melancholic is also often a perfectionist, being very particular about what they want and how they want it in some cases. This often results in being dissatisfied with one's own artistic or creative works and always pointing out to themselves what could and should be improved. They are often loners and most times choose to stay alone and reflect.

[edit]Phlegmatic

While phlegmatic are generally self-content and kind, their shy personality can often inhibit enthusiasm in others and make themselves lazy and resistant to change. They are very consistent, relaxed, rational, curious, and observant, making them good administrators and diplomats. Like the sanguine personality, the phlegmatic has many friends. However the phlegmatic is more reliable and compassionate; these characteristics typically make the phlegmatic a more dependable friend.

Whether it's astrology, palm reading or tarot card reading, I am always fascinated by them because though I just indulge to them for fun, sometimes they do hit the jackpot! So, superstitious or not, it depends on individual to decide. My compass might not work properly but I do know God has His way to show His Wonders.

Of Sonnet and Consideration

Let us be ourselves, yet not be doomed

As the honest admit of my blunders.

Though time has done its work of making me bloomed,

I am still a learner, slowly capturing the greatness of Wonders.

I do feel sad as I can't swim as fast as the rest,

But I kept working on the moves to reach the pebbled shore,

For each wave is sequentially struggling with its best,

Forcing me to get a grip & survives after the hits before.

Don't let me drown,

Don't let me walk alone,

Never let annoyance wins your frown,

For each of us blooms in our own time zone.

And thus I hope he will give you the light to see,

Realizing thy worth too, doesn't come easily.

Difficult Starting, Bad Foreshadows

A few days before the new year of 2010, Miss S and me faced a few series of unfortunate events that really tested our patience & the well-being of our souls.

Then, only after the second week of the semester, one of my closest friends Miss D was admitted into the hospital.

I was very worried & horrified after hearing what had happened to her.

Seeing her made my tears nearly went out of the boundaries.

Glad they behaved well that day.

Glad that I was rational enough not to add more sadness into the gloomy atmosphere.

I am sorry Dale if I was tiring you.

I was purposely not being sensitive so that I can make you laugh & ease your hurt & sadness.

I hope you can get well soon & be strong despite what you have gone through especially on the day I visited you.

The unfortunate events are followed by the news of :

• two of my friends' parents were involved in an accident.
• athirah, my boyfriend's sister had to go through surgery for appendix
• my friends' house was robbed
• lots of ridiculous course requirements to fulfil the assignments (this is why I prefer final exams)
• no news of the allowance
• my brother will have to move to other place to further his study & career.

And now is only the 14th of January, I just feel these things can be either foreshadows of the future struggling moments or just a test given by Him to his subjects as a reminder for us to be grateful, modest & redha in whatever we do.

Delusional Weather

It rains here but not at your place

I am cold that I shivered

But you felt hot and sweating despite the black cloud

It is indeed the Nature's miracle & God's Greatness

What we feel is different

That is why I am with you

The fact that You are not me,

Makes us See things from Different Perspectives

A thing that helps us to be together till this very moment

Compensating each other's need

Is that what makes relationship works?

I don't know but I am curious of the answer

For different people have different formulae, so what is mine?

Two worlds of opposite minds

Emerging together, won't it collides & crashes one another?

My, my, what a mouse I am being.

Too much worries, too much anxiety.

The inconsistent weather changes have affected my mind

Though they change and cause me pain,

The delusions that they brought are centring my compass,

Evoking feelings & thoughts for reasonable weighing.